I came out to a bunch of friends and people in my support network first, before telling my parents and brother. I am really close to my parents and brother, and I was worried about how they would respond, especially if it went badly. I purposely told my parents the day before I left for a two-week trip to Los Angeles in case things went sideways. They didn’t threaten to disown me, but they did have a hard time with it. They were disappointed. They cried. They argued with me - for years they thought it was “a phase.” They were fine for a while (we had a peaceful relationship), and then I had the gall to get a serious girlfriend (now my wife), and they freaked out all over again. (I guess it became real to them then.) Coming out is an iterative process. It’s not something you do once and it’s done. For my parents, it was really a 5-10–year process of acceptance. At first, they didn’t want me to tell my grandparents or any of their friends, and now, 20 year later, my mom regularly donates money to pro-LGBTQ causes and emails me articles about LGBTQ issues, and both of my parents have a very close relationship with my wife. I feel very lucky and grateful that things are really good now with my family. But, every time I talk to a new client or candidate, it is still a debate about whether to come out to them and when. Every time I casually mention my wife to new client or candidate, in the context of sharing what I did over the weekend, for example, I have gotten a positive or neutral response, but it’s still one of those things I think about, even though every time I do it, it gets easier. I will also say that during a portion of my legal career, I was out in my personal life and in the closet professionally, primarily because one of the partners at my firm was virulently homophobic. When I left that position, I vowed that I would never be in the closet at work again. Knowing that Bob Major helped start MLA and that MLA is an inclusive environment helped me to decide to come to here, and I’m glad I did. |